This will make a great story to look back on someday.  I have butterflies in my stomach as I think about writing this post and it is very personal and may not suit everyone’s idea of what is ok to share.  When I am earning one million dollars a year with Beachbody, I can say “remember when?”

As I am watching five to six birds, including a hummer outside my office, I am overwhelmed with gratitude they are there.  More about that later.  It hit me how important it is to value and appreciate all we have in our lives beginning with just being alive. And I am feeling very alive and grateful this morning.

The last six weeks have been some of the most challenging I have experienced ever in my professional life.  And I welcomed and really worked hard at embracing the challenges because I know it is all leading me in the direction I am destined to go.

May 1, after I sold Team Women, I realized I had to have an emotional and financial closure to move forward.  Team Women had been my passion and my baby for the last five years and letting it go was ever so much harder than I could imagine.  The only reason I was able to transition was because of my wonderful friend and amazing new owner, Michele DeKinder Smith.  Thanks Michele and click here to see the new Team Women.

The actual process involved closing all phone lines (home office, office, cell), office internet turned off, all checking accounts closed etc.  For four weeks I was without phones completely.  Life gets pretty quiet when you are living outside of the grid.  Many of my online services (Ning Groups, Constant Contact, Merchant Services, Go to Webinar) were also closed.  I felt like I had literally dropped off the face of the earth and I had in a way.

Thanks to those of you who reached out to check on me and were concerned.  You will never know how much that means to me.  I had coaching calls I could not make, appointments I did not keep, commitments I did not keep, follow through which fell through the cracks and basically was really in a sad state mentally.  If you are one of the people I let down, I am truly sorry and hope you will forgive me.

Another event which coincided with all of this was I ran out of my anti-depressants.  I have never just admitted out loud I am on medication for depression.  A long time ago, I would have just told myself to get over it and handle it.  However, about 10 years ago in an Optifast Class (of all places) a psychiatrist came in and talked about the signs of depression and almost all of them fit me like Cinderella’s slipper.

After several months of trial and error, I found what worked for me and have been on ever since.  I know there are lots of opinions about depression and whether it is mental or physical and I know for me it truly is a brain thing.   And the last six weeks have been proof of that to me.

I have been out for a couple of days before, however never for six weeks.  What I noticed was each day was I did less, cared less about doing less and feel the physical difference in my body.  Normally a very chatty person (ask Kevin) I went long periods without talking and actually took to laying on the coach for several hours every afternoon watching television.

Am very proud I continued to eat healthy 85% of the time (only had one really bad food choice and may I add quesadillas did not taste anything good like I remembered.) My weight has fluctuated up and down three pounds and am thrilled with that.  I also continued to work out (not as much as I wanted, but still was making the effort sometimes.)  My weekly newsletters were going out late and this week not at all.  Could not motivate myself to do them and I know of all people how important they are.  The Coaches on Fire Calls had to be cancelled since I had no phone or Go to Webinar. And the list goes on.

Right as this was all starting I had created a 100 Pound Countdown Group on Facebook.  With only 11 pounds left to release before my last 100 I wanted to do it together with others.  Since I started it (60 great members) I haven’t lost any yet.  Don’t give up on me peeps!

Life has definitely been in session.  Kevin came home yesterday with my new RX and by 8 pm last night I was noticing a physical difference in me and Kevin could also.  Lesson learned from that was depression is not your imagination.  It is your brain chemicals not working right (not a doctor, obviously.)  I feel better today than in quite a while and it feels great.  The cell phone is back on as of last Friday and Home office phone on yesterday.  Our phone and internet at the office will be operational by Monday and continuing to prioritize and start over with Beachbody Coaching as my sole purpose in life.

And about the birds…  When we were evaluating carefully where we put every penny, birdseed was not in the budget.  So I have been looking at our empty feeders for the last month and a half.  Day before yesterday I bought the main type they eat and am so excited to see a couple of birds out there today.  Have been dropping by one by one and guess they need some time to forgive me too.

When you give things up, you truly learn the value of them and can decide how important to you each of them really is.  Lots of lessons learned, eating healthy, on Day Four of my Summer P90X Challenge and planning on sending out a note in lieu of my newsletter this week.

Appreciate everyone and everything in your life. Thanks for being part of mine. Xoxo

Helping Reshape the World,

Judi

P. S.  If you are one of the folks I owe a call, an email or let you down; I am so sorry and working on getting caught up…xoxo  And thanks to everyone who has been there for me.